Across the Room
by Roguie
Summary: Max and Logan's thoughts during a scene from Radar Love


A/N: This is just a little thing that came into my mind as I sighed, watching Max and Logan stare at each other across the room in Radar Love. I don't know what it was about that scene.. but it had feeling, and I felt like writing about it.   
  
They're not mine, I just borrow them sometimes and mutate their inner voices. What can I say? It's fun.   
  
Thanks to Aquila for the beta read. :) How you made your way through this one, I'll never understand, but thanks all the same. :)   
  
  
Across the Room   
  
  
He looks so normal sitting there with her.   
  
Asha.   
  
He could be a regular guy, with a regular girl, having a regular life. Laughing, talking about their day, holding hands, making love. Everything I can't give him, she can.   
  
I don't know where she came from, and personally, I don't give a damn. I wish she'd crawl back under whatever rock she slithered out from and get the hell out of his life, but he cares for her. I can see that much as I watch them, but he doesn't look at her like he used to look at me. He doesn't burn for her. 'Course, in the beginning, he didn't burn for me either. That took time, and in time, if I leave them be, he could learn to look at her with those gorgeous blue eyes filled with smouldering passion, enough to make a girl's knees go weak in a single moment.   
  
I can tell she wants him. Hell, even Sketchy can tell Asha's all about Logan. Every move she makes is one step closer to earning his heart; all I have to do is let him go and eventually he'll fall into her arms. All I have to do is let him go and he can be happy.   
  
All the moments we've sat across the table from each other flood into my memory, and I can see the shine in his blue eyes as if he were only feet instead of an entire room away. I can almost feel the touch of his palm against my cheek, the feel of his arms holding me, the caress of his lips against my own.   
  
As if he knows my thoughts, he turns, and his eyes meet mine. I can't claim to know what he's thinking, but I wonder if he, too, is remembering what we used to have together. No matter what we've been through, I can't stop the smile from curving my lips, or that silly, gentle cloud that shades my eyes every time I look at him.   
  
All I have to do is let him go, and he can have the life we were supposed to have, without me.   
  
I just don't know if I'm strong enough to release him forever. Not yet anyway. Joshua keeps reminding me what we're searching for, and I'm not about to give that up without a fight.   
  
I can leave Logan to figure out if what we may have is what he wants, though; I owe him that much.   
  
If one day when I look at him, I see loyalty in those eyes instead of passion, that'll be the day I let him go. Until then, that bitch better keep her hands off my man.   
  
Personal property, Asha.   
  
When I decide it's time to teach you that lesson, believe me, you'll never forget it. Until then, be my guest and fool yourself into thinking that you're gonna win.   
  
Me and my "furry friends" aren't going anywhere.   
  
**********   
  
Smile and nod. Nod and smile. Whatever she's saying has nothing to do with anything, but I can't hurt her feelings. She doesn't need to know that my mind never strays far from thoughts of Max.   
  
It's not that Asha isn't an attractive woman. She is appealing in her own way, but she's not Max. Her eyes are filled with want, but not with the smoky, dangerous passion that burns in Max's gaze. Asha has a nice smile, but she doesn't have the pouty, cute, incredibly kissable grin that Max has teased me with time and again. Asha has a nice body, but in my heart, there is no way she can compare to Max. Ever. In anything.   
  
Asha is nice.   
  
Max isn't.   
  
Max is the type of girl that makes me quiver in places I haven't had feeling in for over a year. She could make a guy forget the world for hours on end, leave the downtrodden to be mistreated for an entire night, forget to turn on the oven when he's supposed to be cooking her an incredible dinner. She's the type of girl I could spend my life with and never consider the paths not taken. Then again, if I were to spend my life with Max, there would be no paths not taken because in my heart, every path leads to her. Even when she's stubborn, argumentative, and threatening to knock me on my ass, there is no other woman with whom I'd rather be.   
  
Thoughts of Max curve my lips into that smile reserved for her alone. I glance down, and am almost surprised to see my favorite pair of chocolate brown eyes staring back up at me. Her entire soul flows through her eyes, all her pain, all her anger, and right now, to my utter surprise, all her love.   
  
She has the softest smile on her face, and I wonder what she's thinking. I know she's with Rafer, and I fight the urge to be hurt, but I trust Max. If she's going to call it off between us, whatever "it" may be, she'll let me know. Right now, I can't believe our end is in her sight, not when her gaze brings nothing but the sweet memories of our stolen moments, as few and far between as they may be, swimming to the surface of my mind.   
  
I will her to remember those kisses we shared the nights before she disappeared. I will her to remember my arms around her, holding her through her seizures, and other nights when she just needed to know that someone cared. I will her to remember what we had been, and what we still can be, as soon as we track down an antigen to our virus.   
  
Not her virus, *our* virus. It is no longer hers alone, because this is my life that's hanging in the balance now, as well. Everything that I foresee my future to be is spinning on a dime. Heads: Max and I will be cured, and some time soon we'll head back to my penthouse, my hands and lips will find her sweet flesh, and we will make love long into the early morning hours. Tails: our lives are dragged out waiting on this "Father Sandeman" who may never be found. Either way, not a single moment of my future is without her.   
  
How can I help but smile back at her? This is the woman I love, regardless of who is sitting across the table from me. I know that in a moment I'll have to turn my attention back to Asha, pretend that anything she says or does will one day make me gaze at her with the same longing I feel for Max, and let her believe that someday she may have a chance, but for these few seconds, there is only Max.   
  
I only hope that Asha will understand that the day this virus is cured, there will be only Max. After all, if I know my Max at all, she's not going to stand for another woman so intimately involved in my life.   
  
Things are going to have to change when the virus is cured.   
  
Until then, I suppose Max and I will just keep doing what we're doing: taking things day by day. It isn't going to do us any good to long for what we can't have when we have other things to worry about right now.   
  
I sigh and flash Max one last smile, savouring the gentleness behind her gaze. Bling always said I had no patience, but I'm going to prove him wrong this time. For Max, I'll wait forever.   
  
End.


End file.
